So much can change

So, I love prayers and life and so many other things. Never in my life have I had prayers so clearly answered as with this situation, which has now bloomed into what I knew it could be. It was like Heavnly Father actually wrote me a letter, or gave me a call to tell me exactly how things were and are going to be, and I can't complain about that. 

I have never been happier in my life than how I am right now. Things are just going well... Well, things that matter are going well. Funny thing is is that I feel like time has stretched and shortened itself all at the same time. 

I must say that it is an amazing feeling to wake up in the morning and have your first thought be "how can I make this person happy today?" It is even better to know that they are thinking, "How can I make Jewel happy today?" It is great that problems just seem to melt when that is your mentality and issues that could have been big seem to cease existing. 

Happiness is no longer wanting to complain.

Time

I've decided that time is no more than a false illusion. There is no such real thing as time. Time doesn't fill any space, real or imaginary, becasue it has an amazing ability to morph to whatever it decides it wants to. Not only that, but at the exact same moment, time can be one illusion for one person, and a total other illusion for another person.

These last few months have been crazy when it comes to time. When I think about things that have happened as recently as last semester, I feel like they have been years ago. When I think about how short a time I have actually known people, it boggles my mind. There is no way that I met Mike only three months ago. That is absolutely impossible. Yet, when I think about school, time has been flying. I can't believe we are almost half way through the semester already.

Time is crazy. I don't believe in it any more. It has no real standard by which it goes, becasue everything just doesn't fit.

Optimistic

"Hey Boo!" The remains of what could have been amazing. Yet, I don't really feel all that disappointed. Sure, I'm a little sad, but a good cry, and for some reason I'm ok. I don't know what really is going on, but my optimism is shining through for me on this. I can't think anything negative for longer than a few minutes and a voice comes into my head saying things will work out the way they should, and I'm not scared. I don't get it, but I'm not complaining. I suppose I feel that things will work out in the end one way or another to make life work the best way possible. Maybe I feel that I have been dealt enough rotten hands to really think that I would desrve this to be another one. I think the balance of life is tipped in my favor and life will be great no mater what. 

I'd normally be thinking of ways thing could have gone differently, but I think that it might not have even been a possibility for things to be different. I feel like no matter how I tried to avoid certain things, they just kept coming back... and they were scary ideas, but somehow comforting at the same time. They were just unavoidable... I'm just happy, and I can't complain too much. I just hope that his choices will bring him happiness, too. It's so weird, and I'm a little confused as to why I am so okay. Maybe I just don't feel like things really have ended. Maybe I just have hope. Hope is good.

Fresh Beginnings, Non-extreme Makeover Style

So, I've figured out that I like who I am, and that, as weird as I might be, other people like who I am, too. Again, maybe not every aspect, but the good majority of my personality and quirks. I just needed to find the right people to hang out with and uplift me to the point where I can feel like I can completely be myself.
Right after I wrote my last entry (and I do mean like the day after), I met my now boyfriend. I figured out that there are people out there who just like me for the way I am. Everything that I have ever been self conscious of seems to be something that he notices and even likes about me. Everything from the fact that I have perpetual hiccups to the freckles on my shoulders seems to make me unique and beautiful in his eyes. All the things I'm afraid guys will go after me for, while not a negative, are not even the reasons that he sought after me. While I am afraid that guys will just see me as a good homemaker who should stay barefoot and pregnant, he didn't even see how I could be a homemaker. While I'm always afraid that I'd be sought after purely because I have the "good Mormon wife" skills, he saw me as a person. Not only that, he even liked me when he didn't think I necessarily had any of those skills at all.
It's so strange... I barely even know him, but I feel like I've known him for so long. I know it's a cliche, but it works and it's true. I seem like, though I don't know every fact of his life, I know who he is and what his personality is. I feel like even after just knowing him the first day, that he and I are nearly the same person when it comes to thought processes and ideas. We're so similar and so easily build off each other to create a better version of us.
We can just be together and be happy... we don't even have to be doing anything except existing with each other and I am perfectly happy. I suppose this is the happiness I was craving so desperately last semester. I'm so happy I've figured out the right places to find it.