So, I've figured out that I like who I am, and that, as weird as I might be, other people like who I am, too. Again, maybe not every aspect, but the good majority of my personality and quirks. I just needed to find the right people to hang out with and uplift me to the point where I can feel like I can completely be myself.
Right after I wrote my last entry (and I do mean like the day after), I met my now boyfriend. I figured out that there are people out there who just like me for the way I am. Everything that I have ever been self conscious of seems to be something that he notices and even likes about me. Everything from the fact that I have perpetual hiccups to the freckles on my shoulders seems to make me unique and beautiful in his eyes. All the things I'm afraid guys will go after me for, while not a negative, are not even the reasons that he sought after me. While I am afraid that guys will just see me as a good homemaker who should stay barefoot and pregnant, he didn't even see how I could be a homemaker. While I'm always afraid that I'd be sought after purely because I have the "good Mormon wife" skills, he saw me as a person. Not only that, he even liked me when he didn't think I necessarily had any of those skills at all.
It's so strange... I barely even know him, but I feel like I've known him for so long. I know it's a cliche, but it works and it's true. I seem like, though I don't know every fact of his life, I know who he is and what his personality is. I feel like even after just knowing him the first day, that he and I are nearly the same person when it comes to thought processes and ideas. We're so similar and so easily build off each other to create a better version of us.
We can just be together and be happy... we don't even have to be doing anything except existing with each other and I am perfectly happy. I suppose this is the happiness I was craving so desperately last semester. I'm so happy I've figured out the right places to find it.
