So, I finally figured out the word that describes how I feel right now, and for the past week. Peace. Sure, I have a million things to do and stress is a close second, but right now, everything is built on top of peace. I think that is amazing. Where my life had been a turbulent torrent of gale force winds ripping at the sea inside me, I now feel like a still pond fed by the morning mist.
I think there can only be one reason I would suddenly have this come over me. The blessing I got. It gave me amazing perspective and made me realize I was blowing things way out of proportion. There is no way that the things I was worried about mattered that much in the long run of things. If I get a bad grade, sure it will be upsetting for about a month, and then I'd move on. Before, it seemed nearly life or death. I've been caught up in the moment and lost my sight of the bigger picture. My blessing, though, made me realize. People could tell me over and over, but I just never let it click in my head, and that is what I needed.
I now know why the Holy Ghost is called the comforter. I have never had such a warm, still feeling inside me. I feel like I was wrapped in a giant down blanket and tucked in just right-- like my parents used to when I was a child. Perfectly warm with a feeling of being loved. It's magnificent.
Things will never be perfect, but life wouldn't be life without imperfection. I feel like I'm back to myself, being able to be who I am and what I want to be without having to be completely reliant on other things and outside forces. I feel good about myself and that's what matters. I like the person I am-- maybe not every aspect, but I realized that I don't need a complete overhaul. I am who I am and I can't and shouldn't change that.
