so, my drive to Tucson is only half over, but its really quite interesting the things I have learned so far.
I have inherited different things from both my parents. I drive like my father. I always thought I learned it from my mom, because, let's be honest, females tend to drive similarly. But, as I've seen my life flash before my eyes about a half dozen times, and being told by my friends and brother that I make them worry for life when I drive, I think I must drive more like my dad. I'm turning into my mother, personality-wise, though. I love my mother, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. She is quick to get offended and doesn't have the ability to let things roll off her back, especially when it comes to my sister. I always thought my thought processes were more similar to my father's, but as I get older, I seem to be turning more and more into my mother. Again, I do love my mother, but I like how I used to be chill. (on a side note, I learned from my sister last night that "chill" is a Utah term and, apparently, I sound retarded when I say that in the Bay Area)
I laugh like a maniacal penguin sometimes. I know that I have weird laughs. I can't help it... I always have. My brother has always made fun of me and when I was about seven, I became very self conscious. So, I changed my laugh intentionally. Unfortunately, I never really knew what I should change it to becasue I had never really studied laughs, so I had many laughs. That never really changed. So now I have about a million different ways I laugh, and I have no real control over it. So, sometimes I laugh like a donkey, and sometimes I laugh like a maniacal penguin. I also snort... that's always fun.
I'm the "crazy" one in my family. I'm full of songs and I'm not afraid to sing them. I go to church and believe it. I don't claim to be addicted to drugs just for fun. I, believe it or not, am the one to take the dares and make a fool out of myself for fun. We all have our crazy moments, but I'd say I have the most moments.
I get very re-sensitized while I am at school. My brother showed me a youtube video (yes, on the road because we have awesome internet :D ) of a guy with touretts and it amazed me how much it kinda hurt me to hear someone screaming the way he did. While I'm not a super sensitive person when it comes to cursing, and I actually think that people at school are generally way too serious about it, I was suprised how sensitive I was to it.
I have a place in my family. Believe it or not, I am the mediator in my family. I usually have the most level head in the family. I do have occasions where I go a little crazy, but majority of the time, I am the outsider able to give the most unbiased opinion. If I can't find my place anywhere else in the world, at least I know that I have a purpose in my family.
It's amazing how well blessings work. I'm not going to lie. I'm very skeptical about blessings, but this one seems to have helped a ton. Today, and most of yesterday, I'm finally able to detatch myself and look objectively at my whole situation. I now feel at peace inside about whatever might happen in the future. I know longer have this feeling of a hole left in the pit of my body that somebody decided to fill with metal bars that were actively twisting and breaking inside of me. Now, I feel the most normal I've been in a long time. It may not be how I want it to be, but I know that however it does turn out, I will feel okay about it.
I can never stop loving the people I have ever loved. Even if I don't think people who I love and who once loved me still do, I worry. I care for people... it just my nature. I still even love Nolan and it makes me very sad to see where his life has gone. I still love my friends from high school, and though I don't speak to them very often, or see them, I still... I guess check up on them would be the only way to put it. I like to know where my friends have ended up, and I like to help them be where they want to, if I can. In any case, I always worry about my friends and if they are okay, or going to be okay. I also love my family, as much as we don't ever show it. I miss them, though I was always raised to be so independent. I worry about them, too. I like to help... that's one thing I'm really happy I inherited from my mom.
I'm sure before I get to Arizona, there will be a million more things I'm going to want to put up here, but for now, I have said what I feel I need to... I have a feeling this will be the week of blog postings, though, for me.
